today lottie pearl is 6 months old. wow. words can't describe these last 6 months. is it possible to feel more like yourself at the same time as feeling completely reborn? maybe something like seeing an old lover - so familiar yet you have no idea who they are now.
ive finished off her 'birth' box - everything from pregnancy photos, hospital bands, birth cards and silly mementos like scribblings of feed times stained with coffee - and i have to say it feels amazing and definitely a relief to box up and say goodbye to the last 6 months. our lives have been changed irrevocably. never have i before had a job that goes 24/7, a job that requires so many decisions, a job that punches the wind out of my lungs as i gasp in wonder at the love i have for this tiny human.
i don't think this fumbling feeling will ever fade but these mama pants are fitting better, closer, every day. as i put the birth box away it feels as though we are emerging. i childishly feel as though i've been forgotten by a good few people. i feel like shouting "we've survived! i'm still here! come and play!" but i'm not too sure if anyone would hear. hard not to feel hurt but instead, trying to gather all this new found steam inside me. A good portion going towards the next 6 months, a reduced but sizeable hunk for kee and lastly, setting aside a little for myself - this new albeit familar self - with even more outrageous goals and dreams than ever before.